-New Yorkers are the most rude, as well as the most considerate.  They are ten percent more likely to 'give you the finger,' but twenty percent more likely to hold the door for you, so it won't hit you in the ass on the way out! 
       Arizonans are fifteen percent more likely to have difficulty finding the door, and thirty-five percent more likely to pull, instead of push, though the door be clearly marked! 

      -The Frenchman dug down 1000 meters, found copper wire and determined that centuries ago, the French had developed a telephone network.  The Englishman dug down 2000 meters, discovered fiber optic traces, and announced that the British had hi-tech digital communications a thousand years before the French.  The Jew dug down 5000 meters, found nothing, and exclaimed that 5000 years ago Jews were using wireless technology!  Oy vay!

     -Sharon told George that they couldn't afford beer anymore, and he'd have to quit.  Then he caught her spending $65 on makeup, and asked how come he had to give up stuff and she didn't.  She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for him.  George told her, "That's what the beer is for."  Hospital visitation is by appointment only!

     -Nick and Bernie are golfing and drinking beer, when suddenly, Nick says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife.  She hasn't spoken to me in over two months!"  Bernie hits his drive, and says, "You'd better think it over.  Good women like that are hard to find!"